


I just want to say the right thing

by xorax



Category: Outer Banks (TV)
Genre: Angst and Fluff and Smut, F/M, I love this two dorks, JJ goes down on Kie, Post-Outer Banks Season 1, also ward cameron trying to corrupt people, and a bit fluffy in the end, basically Kiara yearning for JJ, but ended up to be more angsty than smutty, coz that's what good boys do, not that explicit but I'm keeping the rating just in case, screaming I love you during a fight, this was supposed to be a smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-15
Updated: 2020-06-15
Packaged: 2021-03-04 03:35:23
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,924
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24737038
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xorax/pseuds/xorax
Summary: The day after the manhunt, Luke Maybanks pressed charges against his son for stealing the Phantom. Tomorrow JJ will take a boat to the mainland where the court hearing will take place. Kiara knows he won’t come back: a juvenile prison in Wadesboro is waiting for him. According to his pro-bono defense attorney, a one-year sentence is the most optimistic prediction. But considering JJ’s criminal record, well, it could get so much worse. The idea of losing him is simply unbearable.ORit is JJ's last night in the outer banks before his hearing, and Kiara has too many feelings.
Relationships: JJ & Kiara (Outer Banks), JJ/Kiara (Outer Banks)
Comments: 8
Kudos: 80





	I just want to say the right thing

**Author's Note:**

> This was supposed to be a smut, but it then turned out to be something else ?? definitely less smutty and more angsty and maybe bit ~~cheesy~~ fluffy in the end ?? I don't know. 
> 
> I hope you enjoy xx

It’s dark when Kiara opens her eyes, and it takes her one minute to realize where she is. There is no light on, but from the window the moonlight spills into the Chateau. In the dim light, Kiara can see Pope sprawled on the couch, snoring softly. He probably won’t wake up until tomorrow. Slowly, Kiara gets out of the armchair and steps into the kitchen, carefully avoiding the many empty booze bottles on the floor. _Christ_ she thinks, reaching for some milk from the fridge and pouring it straight into her dry mouth. They started drinking and smoking that afternoon, and haven’t stopped till they all collapsed, in a pathetic attempt to wash the pain away. It was JJ’s specific request: « _I don’t want you two being emotional, okay? It’s the last night, let’s get wasted, Pogue style.»_

JJ… where’s he? Kiara checks the bedroom and the bathroom, but he’s not there. She steps out the Chateau, looking for him on the porch. The air is warm and the full moon shines in the clear sky. _It’s a beautiful night_ , she thinks. Someone may say it is the island’s way to say goodbye to her least favorite child.

The day after the manhunt, Luke Maybanks pressed charges against his son for stealing the Phantom. Tomorrow JJ will take a boat to the mainland where the court hearing will take place. Kiara knows he won’t come back: a juvenile prison in Wadesboro is waiting for him. According to his pro-bono defense attorney, a one-year sentence is the most optimistic prediction. But considering JJ’s criminal record, well, it could get so much worse. The idea of losing him is simply unbearable. She somehow survived losing John B and Sarah, but she can’t lose JJ. And yet, there’s nothing she can do. She tried to convince her parents to borrow her some money to hire a decent lawyer for JJ, but they were irremovable. Actually, it’s kind of a miracle they haven’t locked her down in Figure Eight after the manhunt. But maybe, _maybe_ , there’s actually something she can do, even if just thinking about it makes her feels guilty.

JJ is not on the porch, but Kiara notices the hammock swinging gently.  
«…JJ?» she asks, stepping in that direction.  
He’s smoking, his legs crossed, and his blue eyes looking at the night sky.  
«Hey» he says, quietly.  
«Hey… can I…?»  
«Sure» he nods and moves to make some space.  
Kiara lies in the hammock beside him, their sides pressing against each other.  
«Are you still smoking?»  
«it’s just a cigarette… it helps with the hangover.»  
She rolls her eyes «I’m pretty sure that’s not the case»  
«Well, I’m the only one who did not pass out, so…» Kiara can see his sarcastic grin under the moonlight.  
She elbows him in the ribs «I didn’t pass out! I just fell asleep!»  
He gently pins her arms in return «yeah, sure, if you say so…»  
His half-smile is beautiful and for one moment it seems they’re back in the old days, where they could spend hours bantering with each other.  
It was just a month ago, but it feels so distant now, like a different lifetime.  
«I wonder what he’s doing right now… what time is it now in Tulum?»  
JJ simply refuses to believe John B is dead. According to him, he’s now safe in Tulum with Sarah and they’re surf instructors.  
«… It’s just an hour behind» she says, reluctantly.  
She and Pope agreed this is JJ’s way to cope, but she does not like to indulge in his fantasy.  
«He’s probably outside fishing… it’s the perfect night to fish» JJ says, stubbing the cigarette out.  
Kiara sighs softly. «JJ…» she starts. «Tomorrow… you know…»  
She really does know how to say it.  
He stops her «hey, we said no emotional conversation about tomorrow. That’s the rule.»  
She shakes her head «no, I mean… tomorrow… you know, you still have _that_ option…you just need to call…»

One week ago Rose Cameron showed up at Kiara’s house. She said she wanted to know how Kiara was doing. «I know how hard it must be for you. Sarah loved you so much…» she said. «It was such a tragedy… me and Ward, it’s so hard for us…but we were thinking, maybe we can do something, to honor Sarah’s memory… something she would have wanted us to do…»  
Kiara remained silent while she kept talking  
«Your friend, Heyward’s son… we know he lost his scholarship… they said he’s such a good boy, everybody said it. We could sponsor him… we could create a scholarship dedicated to Sarah’s memory…»  
Kiara started to feel her heart beating faster.  
«And your other friend, Luke Maybank’s son… we understand he’s in trouble… with such a father, life wasn’t fair with him, was it? So me and Ward, we thought… we thought we could pay a very good lawyer to help him, and we could sort things out with Cynthia Thornton, you know, for that little accident with the Malibu boat… we all deserve a second chance, don’t we? We deserve to move on with our lives! A new start… that’s what Sarah and John B would have wanted for their friends and family! Would you tell them? Would you tell your friends that we are willing to help? They just need to call…and you got our number» her voice was soft and sweet.  
_Like the snake’s song in the Jungle’s Book_ , Kiara though.  
She knew exactly what Rose was trying to do: Ward Cameron’s trial would have started in one month. He was accused of murdering John Routledge and two other men.  
Kiara, JJ, and Pope have been called to testify in court. Rose was not willing to help, she was willing to _buy_ their silence, their loyalty to John B.  
And yet Kiara couldn’t help to think, even for one moment, that maybe, _maybe_ , there was something right in her words. They all deserved to move on. Pope deserved a scholarship, JJ deserved a chance, and she deserved to be happy, with the Pogues at her side.  
_John B would have wanted this._  
She hated herself for indulging in that thought.  
When she told the Pogues about Rose’s offer, JJ laughed, a joyless laugh.  
«You can tell the Cameron I would rather die than accept their money. »  
Pope hesitated for a moment, then he nodded. «Of course, like JJ said. This is not an option. »  
They never spoke about it again.

But now, lying in the hammock with JJ, Kiara feels the reality hitting her hard.  
She can’t lose him.  
Accepting Cameron’s offer is the only way.  
«What are you talking about?» he frowns, his blue eyes staring at her.  
« I’m talking about accepting help from War- »  
«What the fuck Kie?! » he snaps «don’t even say that! I don’t even wanna hear his fucking name » He’s breathing faster, trying to contain his anger.  
«JJ… please… I- I don’t want to lose you too» she can feel her voice shaking and the tears start to roll down her face.  
She hates herself for being so weak.  
«Kie…» JJ’s voice immediately softens when he realizes she’s crying.  
«Shh. It’s okay. You’re not gonna lose me» he says, slowly brushing his thumb on her cheek.  
«Everything is gonna be alright. I’m just gonna stay away for a bit. But I’ll come back. And you can visit me. And we’ll tear Ward motherfucking Cameron down. And then John B will come back and we’ll be all together like we used to. Pogue style. Okay? » he pulls her closer, her face on his chest, gently caressing her hair.  
Kiara closes her eyes and tries to concentrate on his heartbeat to calm herself down.  
All these years she has diligently learned to push her feelings for JJ back, feelings she knew would have been dangerous, would have ruined everything.  
But now they’re resurfacing, pushing on her chest, like a river pushing through a dam.  
She’s not strong enough to resist anymore. _What’s even the point? It’s all fucked up anyway._  
She raises her head and presses her lips against his. She waits for a moment, terrified he’ll pull her away.  
But he doesn’t.  
He wraps his hand into her hair and kisses her back, slowly, gently, his tongue curling in her mouth, and then deeper, rougher, biting her lower lips, his free hand on her hip, pulling her even closer. They break away to catch their breath, and Kiara can feel her heart beating so fast she’s afraid it’s gonna break free from her chest.  
«Feeling better?» he asks. His voice is thick «’cause I do» he adds.  
They remain silent for a bit, he plays with her curls while her head rests on his chest.  
There is so much going on inside Kiara’s head, too many feelings, emotions, and desires, but she knows she has to focus, right now there’s just one thing that matters.  
«JJ…» she tries again, swallowing her guilt.  
She _must_ convince him, make him changes his mind.  
« I really mean it… about _that_ option…»  
«For real Kie?! what the hell is wrong with you?!» he pulls away, and gets out of the hammock, stepping towards the chateau.  
He’s clearly mad at her but he does not care.  
She runs after him «Fuck JJ, get real! You really want to end up in a fucking juvenile prison in Wadesboro?!»  
« I don’t fucking care! Don’t you see it? I have nothing to lose! I won’t betray my best friend, I’ll help destroy his dad’s assassin if it’s the last thing I ever do! And when he’ll come back -»  
«You’re so _fucking_ stupid» she’s screaming now, exasperated « John B is _dead_. He’s not coming back. And we’ll never destroy Ward Cameron! This is not a fucking movie! This is real life, this is the outer banks! People like him don’t end up in prison! Can’t you see it? It doesn’t matter what we say at the trial, he’s too rich, too powerful, we can’t beat someone like him! You’ll end up in prison, Pope will end up stuck in this island with no scholarship, and he’ll end up winning anyway, is that what you want? Do you really think this is what John B would have wanted for us? Sometimes we have to make some compromise!»  
«Shut up! Shut the fuck up! Why are you saying that?» JJ is trembling, pressing his hands on his hears, he looks filled with so much anger yet so fragile at the same time.  
«Because I love you. Fuck, because I’m _in love_ with you and I’m not shutting up until you’ll understand this is the only way –» she pauses, astonished to what she just said.  
JJ stands frozen to the spot, staring off into space.  
They remain silent and they’re both breathing faster, Kiara can hear her heart rolling in her chest and the right side of her head pulsating.  
«So that’s it, uhm?» JJ finally asks. His voice is so cold. «That’s what you’re doing. _Kiara style_.» He sounds exhausted.  
She doesn’t understand.  
«Kissing people, trying to mess with their heads…trying to _manipulate_ them.» His voice shakes while he’s spitting those words. «Tell me, what did Cameron promise to you, uhm? A recording contract?»  
«w-hat? No, wait, it’s not--»  
«If John B was here, he would have spit in your face» JJ says, and he turns his back and steps into the Chateau, slamming the door so violently the house seems to shake.  
Kiara fells on her knees, trembling, her whole body hurts so much she’s afraid she’ll pass out.  
She can’t believe what just happens, what did she just say, what he said to her.  
She presses her hand on the soil and screams in frustration and pain.  
She hates everything right now, her stupid self, JJ, Ward Cameron, John B, the outer banks, their life that’s so unfair and she can’t do anything to fix it.  
She has always been quite proud of her moral compass, but now she feels like she lost it, and without her moral compass, she has lost herself.  
Isn’t love supposed to bring out _the best_ in us?  
She feels like love only made her selfish and weak.

********

She doesn’t know exactly how much time has passed, maybe minutes, maybe one hour. She’s not screaming anymore, she’s still kneeling on the ground, mumbling some words, like a prayer.  
«I’m sorry» she says softly to the soil. «I’m sorry, John B.»  
She doesn’t know where he’s now, but somehow knows he can hear her words.  
The night breeze gently caresses her arms and if she closes her eyes and she can almost hear his cheerful voice.  
_«It’s fine Kie, it’s fine. You can’t always be right…Anyway, I’ve always known you liked him. Why didn’t you tell me? Now that’s something I’m mad about! »_  
She smiles. Maybe she’s just going crazy.  
She doesn’t care, now she knows that’s the right thing to do.

The Chateau’s door creaks when she pushes it. Inside, Pope is still snoring on the couch. She puts a blanket over him and steps toward the bedroom.  
The door is closed.  
«JJ?» she asks while knocking. He does not reply, but at least the door is not locked. She enters the room.  
The lamp on the bedside table is turned on because JJ hates sleeping in the complete dark.  
He’s lying in the bed, his arms crossed over his head, covering his face.  
She knows he’s not asleep.  
She silently lies beside him, leaving some space between them.  
«Hey» she says «I just wanna say I’m so sorry. I’m sorry I’ve called you stupid. You’re not. You’re right. I was being so selfish, I was only thinking about me and what I wanted. I know that you could never betray a friend, and that…»  
_That’s one of the reasons why I love you_ she wants to say, but she doesn’t.  
«That’s one of the things I admire most about you» she says instead. «Whatever happens tomorrow, I’ll visit you. I’ll write to you. We’ll go to court and we’ll tear Ward Cameron down. We’ll get our revenge. We’ll keep fighting ‘cause that’s what the Pogues do, we never stop fighting.»  
She pauses for one second « I wasn’t trying to mess with your head. I would never do something like that. I understand if you don’t want to speak with me, but please, just tell me you know I would never do something like that. »  
He stays silent for a minute, then uncrosses his arms and lies on his side, his face towards her.  
There’s some redness in his blue eyes and they are swollen, as if he had cried a lot.  
«I know» he says, and Kiara breaths a sigh of relief.  
«Anyway, I’m already a mess so there’s no much more you can do» he adds.  
He’s smiling now, a little, beautiful smile that shows his dimples.  
She wants to kiss him so badly it almost hurts.  
«I have to say I’m impressed by your speech. Very touching…All those things about keep fighting… you should do prep talks» he’s teasing her now, and she can’t help to smile.  
«Shut up, I was trying to apologize!»  
«I’m just saying you’re good at it. You should do that more often… my favorite part was when you said I was right and you were wrong. Can you say that again? “ _you’re right JJ_ ”… I really like how it sounds.»  
He’s closer now, their foreheads touching.  
Kiara really wants to say something witty in return, but it is really hard thinking about a sarcastic comeback when he’s so close, his blue eyes staring at her, deep as the ocean, she would gladly drown in them.  
«Shut up» she mutters again.  
He cups her head in his hands. «Fine» he says, and kisses her.

  
She gasps into his mouth, grabbing his shoulder and pulling him closer, their bodies pressed together.  
He leaves her lips just to lean on her jaw, on her throat, and then on her neck, kissing her roughly, as if he can’t help himself.  
She can’t stop the moan that escapes her throat.  
«Fuck» JJ says pulling away from her neck, his voice so thick.  
«I’m sorry Kie, I’ve got carried away.»  
«Don’t stop» she says. _Please, please don’t stop_ she thinks.  
« _Fuck_ » JJ mutters again, and it sounds like a moan.  
He’s back on her neck and keeps going down, kissing her collarbones and her chest, and further down, on her stomach, and then…  
Kiara bites her lip, shivers across her skin.  
Slowly, JJ unbuttons her shorts and she arches to help him get rid of them. He gently bites her on her inner tights, and then kisses her over the waistband of her underwear, and she opens her leg wider, a shameless invitation.  
«You’re so wet» he mutters and she can feel the lust in his voice.  
He pulls her underwear off and finally his tongue is on her clit, moving in circles, making her whole body shiver in delight and aching for more.  
_God, no wonder why JJ has always been so popular among the Tourons girls_.  
He keeps brushing her clit with his tongue, and when he inserts two fingers inside her, Kiara is sure she won’t last long.  
«JJ» she gaps, tangling her finger in his blond hair, arching her back and pressing herself against his mouth. She’s so close, but she does not want to come this soon. She pulls his head away.  
«I’m doing something wrong?» he asks, his fingers leaving her.  
She shakes her head and pulls his head up to her face, kissing him and licking her own taste from his lips.  
«No» she says. «I just want…»  
There’s no need to say _what_ because he perfectly knows. «Yeah, me too. Fuck, Kie, you almost made me cum my in pants » he replies.  
He’s breathing faster and she has never seen his pupils so dilated, not even when he’s high.  
He takes his shirt off and throws it away. Kiara noticed his jeans are already unbuttoned and unzipped, she can see his huge bulge.  
JJ follows her gaze and grins. «’ enjoy what you see? It’s all yours babe» he whispers to her ear.  
«Gross» she replies, in a very unconvincing attempt to hide how much he actually turns her on.  
«I’m just desperately trying not to be romantic and keep it cool» he says, and she’s not sure if he’s joking or not.  
He takes her top and rest of his clothes off and now they’re naked, and _it’s really happening_ Kiara thinks. She really doesn’t care whether this is a bad idea or not.  
«Do you have…?» she suddenly realises.  
«Yes, there should be some in the bedside table» he says, turning his back and looking for one.  
Kiara can’t help feeling a little sparkle of jealousy, thinking about the reason why he’s used to keeping them there.  
«Here» he says, tear opening the condom wrapper.  
She lies on her back and he’s on top, balancing his weight on his elbows.  
He rubs his finger on her lower lip and then kisses her, slowly, while she wraps her legs around him.  
He’s inside her now, and it feels so _right_ and, oh God, so _good_ , she can’t stop moaning and rolling her hips against his, her nails anchored on his back, her eyes closed.  
_Don’t stop_ she thinks, or maybe she says it out loud, she doesn’t know, she doesn’t care.  
« _Kiara_ »  
« _Kiara_ »  
He moans and whispers her name like a very unholy prayer, and keeps moving, and Kiara keeps pushing against him, until she feels her whole body shaking, her muscles tense, and finally the pleasure runs over her, like a big wave, leaving her breathless.  
Shortly after can feel JJ throbbing inside her, breathing faster, his forehead touching hers.

After they went to the bathroom ( _yes JJ you should go and pee too. No it’s not some fancy thing they teach us at the Kook Academy, it’s basic sex ed!_ ) and put some clothes on (Kiara stole his t-shirt, so JJ only wore his boxer) they lie on their side, facing each other.  
«We should sleep» he says, «I have a hearing tomorrow. »  
She nods «yes, we should. »  
She has actually many questions ( _what exactly was that? A goodbye hook up?_ ) but she’s not sure she wants to know the answers.  
She brings the knees toward her chest and closes her eyes.  
«Kie?»  
«Yes?»  
«You told me something before, when we were outside…»  
«mmh»  
«…did you mean it?» he asks quietly.  
She keeps her eyes closed. What is she supposed to say? _Yep JJ, I’m in love with you, but hey it’s fine, totally cool, it’s not like I’ve died inside every time you took a Tourons girl at the Chateau, or I’ve pathetically tried to make you jealous flirting with John B, or I’ve done my best to hide it every day yet somehow I’ve managed to tell you in the worst way tonight. No pressure at all man, we’ve got more important things to think about right now, and I’m totally fine pretending tonight never happened._  
«Don’t we said no emotional conversations tonight? » she asks instead.  
« That was my rule, so I can revoke it» he says. He sounds serious.  
She opens her eyes, meeting JJ’s gaze.  
He looks nervous.  
«Yes, I meant it» she finally whispers.  
He relaxes, his lips curling into a smile.  
«Well» he says after a second that feels like an hour «that was not exactly how I’ve always pictured that scene in my dreams»  
«What?» she’s not sure she has understood what he’s saying.  
« I mean, I’ve always dreamt about you serenading me with your ukulele or something like that » he explains.  
« _Wait_ , what?!»  
«You’ll agree is way more romantic than having you declaring your love for me while throwing a tantrum… »  
« _You_ …you’ve… _dreamed_ about _me_ telling you that I-- »  
«Okay, you know that? This is starting to be way too emotional. I’m not comfortable» he can’t stop grinning.  
«Oh, _you_ are not comfortable now» she mutters, but she can’t help feeling like a weight on her chest has been removed.  
«Yes. I’ve just received the happiest news in my life the night before what will probably be the worst day in my life… that’s too many emotions, I don’t know how to process them. I think I’m gonna need therapy» he says, pretending to be serious and failing, because his smile now is too big to hide.  
He seems so happy, almost ecstatic.  
«Fist of all, therapy is actually a very healthy thing we should all d--» she starts, but he stops her, pressing his lips against hers, and she just surrenders.  
«I was trying to say something meaningful…» she says after.  
«Yeah, probably something very right and very boring» he teases her.  
«Can’t you be serious for one moment? »  
«No. And you like me anyway, so…» he kisses her again and she can’t stop smiling while she runs her fingers softly through his hair.

The last thing she hears before finally falling asleep in his arms is JJ’s voice telling her that everything is gonna be alright, that he’ll come back soon and John B and Sarah will come back too and in the end the Pouge are gonna win.  
And she believes him.  
Hope is a dangerous thing for someone like them to have, but, after this night, she has it anyway.

**Author's Note:**

> So, here we are.  
> Kie's rant about "keep fighting" was inspired by that Kaz\Inej scene in Crooked Kingdom by miss Bardugo, while credit for the last line goes to Lana Del Rey. 
> 
> I'm not planning to write other chapters, but I want you to know in the end they all get the HEA they deserve: John B and Sarah reappears with the gold, they're all filthy rich, Pope goes to college, they bail JJ out of juvenile and put Ward in jail. 
> 
> I would like to write more Jiara but also some JJxKiexPope (they're my OT3), and some KiexSarah maybe ?? I'll see. 
> 
> You can find me also [ on Tumblr](https://xorax.tumblr.com/)


End file.
